| Gary L. Simmons | rev 03/10/10 | http://webwonks.org/JOTW/mar.html |
| Home | Marathon | Joke OT Weak | Web Building | Resumé | Lynx | Hobbies | Extra | Site Map |
 |
|
||||||||||
|
03/10/2010
Spring Classes for Women at
THE
ADULT LEARNING CENTER
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Tuesday, May 5, 2009
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
(Thanks to Karen Kischel who should really use the medicine)
03/08/2010
An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived at the casino and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'. With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled,'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed 'YES, YES, I WON, I WON! She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumb founded.
Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll? The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'
MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Irish are stupid; not all blondes are dumb; but all men are men.
(Thanks to Joe Welsch who tried this ploy without any success)
03/05/2010
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
COLIN POWELL: "Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road..." .
ANDERSON COOPER - CNN: "We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road. "
JOHN KERRY: "Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it. "
NANCY GRACE: "That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks."
PAT BUCHANAN: "To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American."
(Thanks to Ron Stephens who who stepped on a chicken and tracked feathers and blood clean across the road.)
03/01/2010
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, " I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."
The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Damit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah , well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"
"Only when he's been drinking."
(Thanks to Mimi Morgan who might or might not be this woman)
