| If you are here you are either a totally
crazed, pain frolicking chili geek like me or you are morbidly curious
about us or you are lost. You could possibly be dead and not realize
it or your body could be inhabited by an evil alien intelligence that
is beamed into your jerking and chittering body from a distant galaxy.
It just might be that you are a cat or a dog who is sitting in front
of the computer while your owner is off eating cheese or taking a shower.
What ever the case, you are here and we must deal with that. What the
hell was I talking about now? OH! Chili peppers. What is it about these
nasty little fruits that make some of us consume them regardless of
the pain, runny noses, sweaty foreheads and necks, the red watering
eyes and that itching that starts about 3 inches deep in your ears?
Why do we bite something that is guaranteed to bite back? I mean isn't
this stuff caustic or something? Isn't it harmful to ones body to consume
it? What is the square root of 49? Don't know, I give up, no way, not
at all and 7. There is an old story about a man who ate a pound of
hot chili peppers every day. He died at the age of 105 when the polo
pony he was riding fell and rolled on him. Up until that time he was
in the peak of health and regularly had sex with the young women who
would swarm around him because of the intoxicating aroma his body produced
from his regular consumption of chili peppers... Honest. No, really.
OK I just made that up but, hey, it could happen!! OK, OK, maybe not
but it sure would be neat. Regardless, chilies are not a bit harmful.
The pain is caused by the chemical capsaicin. This chemical causes
the nerves that register pain to fire. It mimics another chemical that
is produced when cells are damaged. No actual damage is done, your
nerve endings are just suckered into thinking they are "sitting
in lava while getting a napalm enema". This is the chili plants
defense to keep from getting eaten. As a defense it is a colossal failure.
I have seen insect larva existing solely on chili peppers. In one incident
I was at a friends house and we had ordered a pizza. I like lots of
red pepper on my pizza so I asked if there was any in the house. They
reached way in the back of the cupboard and brought out an old bottle
of cayenne pepper. "Good enough" I said and I sprinkled it
on a slice about an eighth of an inch deep. As I went to take a bite
I noticed my pizza moving. On close inspection I saw dozens and dozens
of insect larva writhing on the
hot pizza, their little bodies |
|
caked with cayenne pepper. I know now that
that is how I want to die. They were all living in that dry little
bottle of cayenne pepper. Amazing. How can bugs gorge on chilies? They
lack vanilloid receptors, and without that, chilies are as hot to them
as apples are to you or I. The important thing is that there is no
harm done and in fact consuming chilies is healthful. Chilies cause
the blood to implode, no, putrefy, no, coagulate... no no no, what
is the word I'm looking for... ENGORGE! It causes the blood vessels
to be engorged with soothing life giving blood where ever the chili
touches. It is therefore great for digestion and as a topical rub for
aches and pains. Very healing. Very soothing in a molten-lead-branding-iron
sort of way. capsaicin is used to cure stomach and skin ulcers, as
a topical pain relieving rub for sports aches and pains and to relieve
arthritis. It is a helpful companion to any orally administered herb.
When applied liberally to a criminals eyes, it will cause him to immediately
start obeying the law. That is why they put it in pepper spray. I've
eaten pepper spray, it would go great on a buritto. Red chilies are
richer in vitamin A than carrots, dried green chilies are richer in
vitamin C by weight than orange juice. As a fruit they are rich in
fiber as well as other vitamins and minerals. Chili consumption causes
your metabolism to gear up, you can burn 5% more calories doing the
same work as someone who didn't eat chilies. You really should eat
more chilies. My current favorite chilies are Thai chilies for the
great taste and Habanero chilies for the monster hot. Habanero chilies
are the hottest commercially grown pepper available. I grow both varieties
in my back yard. I have dried chilies from last years harvest in my
kitchen. It never ends, hot hot hot. Over the years I have developed
some recipes for chilies. Be advised that these are very hot. Some
people say that I can eat these dishes because my taste buds are burned
out but that is not the case, I can still detect the nuance of flavors
between such delicacies as spent uranium fuel rods and boiling paint
remover. Seriously, I have a very fine sense of taste, often amazing
my wife by identifying the individual ingredients in a dish by their
distinct flavors. It is not true that because I eat Habaneros that
a less hot jalapeno pepper is not hot anymore. Even if you are used
to getting punched in the nose, a slap in the face is still a slap
in the face. Same thing goes for eating hot chilies. |
